I would like to start off with the fact that the questions When are you getting married? Are you dating someone right now? Oh really, why not? are EXTREMELY annoying and I think this is to get out my side of the story and to provide answers to those questions. This post is addressed to loving aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, other various family members, friends, and casual acquaintances of mine and every other single girl I know.
Let's start with the past.
Those that know me know that I have never had a real relationship. I mean I had a boyfriend in 6th grade but that really means we would meet up at the dance and only talk to each other during the mandatory 5 slow dances and then after that the other was no where to be found. We maybe held hands once - A BIG DEAL - and we passed notes every once in a while. A major real-life relationship these things do not make.
I have had guy friends since elementary school, especially since I have two brothers and had mostly boys in the neighborhood. I had/have my fair amount of crushes on boys - realistic and so-totally not going to happen crushes - but nothing that would ever resemble a relationship or the beginning of a relationship. AND I am totally fine with this. There are definitely times when I get a woe-is-me feeling while reading a cute book or watching a RomCom or hearing a really sweet song. I have even been known to complain to friends and family that I will never have my happy ending.
To the people who really feel sad for me right now I want you to dry your eyes because at this point I actually feel lucky. There are so many opportunities in my life that I have had because I wasn't tied down to anyone, or reliant on taking another person's feelings into account for decisions I have made for my life. I also don't have the heartbreak of losing a deep relationship or making mistakes I can never take back that friends of mine have. Praise God for that protection!
Questions I ponder on the regular - What would my life look like if I had dated _____? What if I had given him a chance? I wonder what life would be like if I was married. Why haven't I had any relationships? Why don't boys like me? What is wrong with me? The questions are really endless along that line of thinking. I have friends that are married and have children and last summer was a marathon of weddings for some friends and in those instances my mind really starts
My friends and family in recent years seemed to be very concerned about me moving onto a new life stage and worry and want to set me up with any number of guys who they know, who are so-and-so's friend, etc etc. These are not random guys or bad guys - many of them are probably really great guys. But what are the qualities they are looking for in these people they want to set me up with? Basically I think they are throwing anybody and everybody out there as an option. Problem is: I don't see every single-guy as an option for me. I don't like to think that I have a checklist of qualities my ideal guy needs but I guess I kinda do. (No I am not going to make a list of my top 10 [or 100] qualities but I am going to point out a key thing that I think is really important.)
Something that is extremely important to me is the guy needs to have a desire for the Lord and desire for Him to be the center of his life. I am not into a 'missonary dating' relationship where I show him Christ and he follows me on the path. That is not me, not what I see as my responsibility, and I defintiely can't be anyone's savior. We both need to be on our own paths towards the Lord and eventually those paths meet and join. This also can't be a trait that the guy seeks because his mom or sister or grandma or friends are pushing him towards. He needs to want it for himself without factoring anyone else into the equation. Without this quality I think the relationship would be very shallow and would lead to a quick dead end.
That is really the only serious thing that my knight-in-shining-armor needs to have but I also have preferences. That guy should strive to have good relationships with friends and family. Not a 'mama's boy' but good to his parents and grandparents. Now if you know any of these guys - loves the Lord and his family - send him my way! I am all for that tall, dark, and handsome idea - think cowboy-esq - but I am not dead set on it. It would be great if he has some sort of higher education and a job.
Also, please realize that as much as I would like to live in 19th century pioneer times, I do not. Therefore, being a single 23-year-old woman in no way means that I should be "put on the shelf" or that I am destined to be a spinster. I have time to enjoy being single and figuring out my life and my hopes and desires. I have faith in what He tells me in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plan to give you hope and a future." The Lord knows the desires of my heart and will provide all things in His time. Which means that all you people are just going to have to be patient. I truly appreciate your concern and your desire to help me on my quest for a man so don't stop those things just don't be upset when it doesn't happen in your time frame.
I hope this opens the eyes of some that yes, I do want a man but no, I am not desperate. I will not take any man. I also hope that those of you that read this and are dealing with the same situation as me realize that you are not alone.
Alrighty! End of discussion. Now we no longer need to harp on it!
